Monday, April 20, 2015

the one about the weekend

I am back to reality after a weekend in Northwest Arkansas for Molly/Wedding Day Barbie's wedding. The reception was very cool--in the Air Museum in Fayetteville. I felt like I was in a movie from the 50's.

Jax needed a date because her hubby had a prior commitment, so I had the best looking date there...

Since the wedding was the middle of the afternoon, that left time for use to have a nice time together for dinner.. The three of us haven't had a time together, alone since we were in college. It's amazing how topics of conversation have gone from Dawson's Creek to mortgages and kiddos..

I love these gals.
 The ACM Awards were pretty good last night. These are my takeaways:

No matter how rich and famous Miranda Lambert is, she still can't manage to buy style. And she is the new Taylor Swift of awards shows--if you are nominated in one of the same categories she is nominated in, you will lose. Except for Entertainer of the Year that should have gone to no one but Garth Brooks...Luke won though.

"Old School" country is still the best country music.

Except when it comes to Sam Hunt. I can't believe he didn't win best new artist. He is so good to me. Alhough can you just imagine what George Strait must think about the lines in his hair and his red skinny jeans??

and Taylor Swift will never not dance at awards shows.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

the one with four today

Because today is Thursday, and it's my Friday, I will do a Friday's Four today. Confusing enough??

||one|| That's right, I am not working tomorrow because I have an appointment and then I am off to the old college stomping grounds.. I am going to Fayetteville for a dear friend's wedding whom I met my freshman year of college in our ballroom dance class and we have been friends since. We became even closer when we were neighbors our senior year on the most badass block in Fayetteville. No seriously..everyone was jealous. Molly and I did lots of random things together, like taking a study break to take pictures on the square at Christmas.

we also went to quite a few games together..this particular game was against Tennessee in November and College Gameday came to town. The game was at 11:00 AM and by 7:00 that evening I was already a touch hung. I think I had my first screwdriver at 7:15 am. But it was fun and we won and we got a picture with Pork Chop.

And I found quite a few of these...I guess she needed a kiss.

I wish you two a lifetime of happiness, my friend!

||two|| anyone watch Idol and see Quentin get shamed by HCJ? Most people are on #teamQuentin, but I am so #teamHarry. It was one of those moments where you kind of have to not listen because whatever team you are rooting for it was #awkward. Of course my top two favorite performances were Clark singing Superstition and #2 was Clark singing Moon River. I know, Moon River?? But it was so good. Spoiler: Joey went home and I am glad. Call me simple-minded but I don't like her style of music or her teeth.

||three|| I haven't done a list of some of my favorite things lately because I haven't bought anything lately....but now I got a tax refund, I can purchase a few things for myself and not risk being turned over to a collection agency.

1. These lemon cupcakes are everything. If you like lemon, you must make these. They are super easy, super un-dry (because I hate the M word), and taste like they are from a delicious bakery. I have made them three times now, and they get rave reviews every time. I have to bring them to school with me because I would eat all of them if they stayed at my house. The recipe is found @ Averi Cooks
I cook mine for only 16 minutes.

2. I have always been a ZBB fan and this song doesn't disappoint. Go download Homegrown.

3. I swore off Vodka a few years ago when I kicked the door down at my house because I was locked out (only to have just overlooked my key that I "hid" from myself). That was until I drank Tito's. It's so smooth and in all my cases, been hangover free. And it pairs nicely with a lemon cupcake.

4. When spring comes around, I love to go sockless but my nose (and anyone else's nose around me when I take my shoes off) literally can't deal. So I wear these loafer liners and all is well. I get them a Nordstrom.  

5. I hate when people wear tennis shoes and have neither been to the gym nor plan to go, especially when worn with Mom jeans featuring a nine inch zipper. In my profession there are more [horribly ugly] tennis shoes worn than there are at the gym. In the winter, I wear boots most days. But in the spring, I really have no option other than loafers. On casual Friday (a term used VERY loosely by most), I want a more casual option. So I did it. I bought Converse. I have yet to wear them to school, but plan to. I also kind of feel like Mr. Roger's Neighborhood. Neighbor.

||four|| This kind of turned into a long post. But this made me laugh so hard--even more so because my Mom laughed until she cried, and I am sure you have seen in on the book, but just in case you haven't

y'all have a good weekend and be well!

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

the one with a reality roundup

||hillary|| By no means do I endorse this young lady, nor do I think she is best for the job, but mark my word: Hillary Clinton will be the next president of the United States of America. That is if Marco Rubio doesn't win by a narrow margin. At least if Hillary wins, SNL will be good because Kate McKinnon does a good Hillary. My dad might just move to Canada.

||the voice|| Even though Kimberly Nichole has given a damn near perfect performance two weeks in a row now, I don't think she will win. I think Sawyer will even though he totally had a Peter Brady note while performing Imagine by John Lenon last night (and I am still not convinced he doesn't hot roll his hair..). But he is just 15. I don't even think I had hair under my arms then. And Corey Kent didn't do so hot either. But those two guys are my favorites, followed by Meghan Linsey.

||dwts|| Yes, indeed. I do still watch Dancing With The Stars along all the other middle-aged mothers out there...I think Rumor Willis has a mirror ball trophy in her future. I am sure Mark's partner Willow could win, but I am sure she will have some rule about 14 year olds and not be able to accept the trophy--every week she continues to rub it in our faces that we are 29ish and she is just 14. Stop. Last night it was disney night and Mark Ballas looked so much like an American Horror Story cast member that I had to watch The Food Network before I went to sleep so I wouldn't have a nightmare.

||american idol|| I still think Clark will win. I read a leaked list of  songs to be sung this week and he is doing Superstition by Stevie Wonder AND Moon River. Check and Check. The Trouble With Love is still my favorite performance he has done.

That's all I have. Peace out.

Monday, April 13, 2015

the one with weekend shenanigans

My students use snapchat like it's a texting app. I am sure when they are not at school, it's used for things with more than a PG rating. So on Friday, while we were waiting for 4:00 to finally roll around, they taught me how to use it. So I created this snap. It took 30 minutes for me to do. It passed time quickly...I have always been a fan of turtle power.

On Saturday I worked out with Ashley and I didn't even do that much, but the lunges killed me. I had a big problem trying to sit on the commode yesterday.

Here's the best bit of info: My Mom ordered this stuff I am sure you all have seen on Facebook in the past few weeks. It's called Instantly Ageless. It claims to be "Botox in a bottle.." I knew going into it that this stuff only lasts 8 hours--so I did it before I went to an event Saturday night. I took a before picture (and you can kind of see the bags in the photo above with Leonardo) and after picture. I SWEAR TO YOU: THIS IS COMPLETELY AUTHENTIC, NO PHOTOSHOP. Promise. Promise on my Mother's life.  Just look.

The before is taken inside and that's why I look so red. The second is natural, outdoor lighting. It was like this until I went to bed.  Here are some more pictures from the event to prove just how real the results are...

It kind of lightens the skin as well--I guess to make any dark circles less noticeable....

But this stuff is good stuff and I will be buying my own.

I can put you in touch with my "dealer" if you are interested...

Friday, April 10, 2015

the one with eight

No no. I didn't run away. Sorry for the absence, I have been busy doing other things. Notice I didn't say "busy" like most people do when they fail to deliver..I am guilty of that as well.. But truth be told, we just find better/other things to do--in my case, catching up on The Royals on E!..It's my newest guilty pleasure. So instead of four, I will do Friday's eight...

|one| Since I last posted, I had Spring Break (filled with printing shirts..). I did shirts for nine events over the past 10 days. It's been crazy busy. One of my favorites I did was for the Lee Academy senior class that I totes ripped off from Patagonia, but who hasn't ever creatively borrowed ideas??

|two| I celebrated my best friend's 30th. We decided we would just have a really nice dinner at Terrace at the River Inn on the Island in Memphis and not go out, just go home. First of all, the views were spectacular. And the dinner was just as awesome. You all should check it out if you are near Memphis.

You know how I said we were going home after dinner? We did. But when we got there, we decided you only turn 30 once, so why not go back downtown, to our favorite establishment in the world--Raifords. Just so happens, Shea and Paula have the same birthday!

We didn't get home until 3AM. I am just plain too old for all those shenanigans. I took a 6 hour nap on Sunday.

|three| In addition to pretending like I was 22, I also enjoyed the glimpse of nice weather we had for only three days..Lots of cooking out, lots of fun times. The only cute girl I got to hang out with was Lee Kathryn, who insisted on a selfie and then requested that I "tag her" [on instagram]. She is only THREE and knows what it means to tag.

|four| TV is good. The Voice is live now, and I think the top contenders from team Blake/Pharrell are Cole and Corey Kent White. Scandal has been better, but I still watch in real time--that's huge for me.

|five| I got some really good news from my accountant. I haven't gotten a refund since I worked at Mr. Video in high school. Last year I was so broke after I paid taxes I went shopping at my parents' house for two months. This year I get a refund and I am over the  moon excited! It's because I bought a there's is good that comes from being a homeowner!!

|six| Only seven more weeks of school until I get Summer Break--a break I enjoy far more as an adult than I did as a student. I have a couple of trips in mind--for the 30th birthdays, a group of us are going somewhere, just not sure where yet. And my family will do something as well...Dad is against anyplace a passport is required, Mom would rather not fly, and Matthew and I want to take a long-ass flight to somewhere with a 12 hour time difference.

|seven| I did some new art for Junior Auxiliary Charity Ball--my friend Kelly is the HBIC. There are so many layers of colors because I would do a shade that was just not right, so there are SO MANY colors, but I love it. I hung it on my wall to take a picture and it looks really good in that spot, so I may just be the high bidder..

|eight| Happy Friday, y'all!

Friday, March 20, 2015

the one with friday's four [20MAR15]

+one: I totally can't function without my Holly. My link up with Kara was what is known as an EPIC FAIL. I totally feel like Robin Thicke must have felt like when he released his album Paula and only sold 400 copies... Oh well, there were only five participants including Kara and me. Woomp Woomp...Holly had a tiny catastrophe and Olive Betty was sick all night, so she had more pressing issues than a guest post. I promise we will do one again, and I will either pay people to participate or Kara suggested we could make fake blogs and link them....Oh well, my blog without Holly is like American Idol without Simon and Paula.

+two: I am reading a book that is super duper sad because I make myself read a non-fiction for every third fiction book to remove myself from the fantasy world I loose myself in when I read about fictional events. This book is called Fly a Little Higher: How God Answered One Mom's Small Prayer in a Big Way. It's about the life of a kid named Zach who has terminal cancer and his amazing gift of song writing.

From Amazon: But Zach’s story is not just about music. It’s a testament to what can happen when you live as if each day might be your last. It’s a story about the human spirit. It’s about how God used a dying boy from a small town in Minnesota to touch the hearts of millions—including top executives in the music industry, major music artists, news anchors, talk show hosts, actors, priests and pastors, and school children across the globe. --This is a MUST READ. It's not too terribly sad because of the joy he brought so it.

+three: Y'all know how I like Timehop. Well I hated it today. This is what I saw. My facebook status from 2010.

Boy, how things have changed. Used to, I went on a legit vacation every big break from school--spring break, summer break (usually 2-3), and Christmas, I go when my parents pay and I plan. My credit card balance is higher than the elevation of the mountains I once skied on a vacation...This Spring Break, I am printing shirts all week--I don't know when I will learn to like common things. I would rather just do without than settle...

+four: Since I am probably not blogging next week because I will be working like a slave, I want to go ahead and wish my very best friend in the whole wide world a HAPPY HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY on Monday...See... back in the day, we would celebrate her birthday on our Spring Break trip and my birthday on the Christmas break trip. This year, we will have lunch. How grand....

at a high school party...

chicago, spring break 2012

2009 after a trip to mexico

2013, shea's birthday

at a dave show in 2013

wedding fun

Happy Birthday, my friend! I hope we get to spend many many more together!!

Thursday, March 12, 2015

the one with a LINK UP!

the life of jake

The day is finally here again! It's like Christmas morning to me. It's LINK UP TIME!! Kara and I are hosting this one since Holly has jumped ship on us...but hold the phone...One of my top 10 favorite people OF ALL TIME is back in my life again! She needs absolutely no introduction to anyone in the blog world because of course she is (in my best SNL version) literally everything.  But for the eight person audience I have own my own, she is the the one who made my blog have traffic. And the reason I have "over 1000 Instagram followers" as I love to remind my friends who have only 200. Shameless plug--with all the anticipated traffic thanks to my fairly blog mother pimping this post, first things first I'm a realist go follow me on Instagram here or search me @jakegerrard (I'll take it off private for today because some people feel crunchy requesting to follow others--sometimes my pride gets me too..)

+one: This weather is really..... my go-to boring convo topic with someone equally as snore fest.... AND it makes me think Al Gore is an ever bigger idiot than I once thought. It certainly doesn't add up to me. I don't consider NINE degrees in March to be any kind of climate crisis other than keeping me in school until July/4:30 because of the snow.

+two: You think you've seen it all, you should see me.... when my cousin Marilyn and I karaoke and the DJ plays anything by Salt+Peppa or Snoop. It's looks something like this:

We are automatically taken back to the 1900's. It's big.

+three: I'm sure you would still love me even if... you could see my browser history...

+four: I think I have finally realized... I am never going to be an E! News host, have my own cooking show (Down Home Dinner With Uptown Style), get selected as a Big Brother houseguest--about 12 of last season's 16 were scouted, and let's face it--I am no Ken doll, or enjoy English peas.

+five: Since the last time we linked up (February 28, 2014)... my bank account has dropped a significant amount of sizes and my jeans have increased...isn't that ironic? Owning a home is only fun when I don't have to transfer money to pay for something so not fun like a new breaker box or homeowner's insurance. Ew. I imagine it is what choosing to have children must be like...spending money on something that is of no benefit to me...and Mother thinks she is ready for grands...not from me.

+six: I get super embarrassed... for those people who think they are good singers and are so not even a little bit good... Like this guy on The Bachelorette a few years ago..

See, I told you...and you thought I would tell you something embarrassing about me...well, nothing comes to mind.

+seven: I really thought by now... I would be rich and I am so confused why I'm not.

+eight: If I thought no one would read it, I would write about... the time I had the hemorrhoid. And how it was thrombosed--which basically means it has a heartbeat--then it erupted as I was dropping the kids off at the pool. Then it looked like a murder scene in the toilet and the reason I don't make anything red velvet any more. And then it wouldn't stop so I went to the school nurse and she said there was nothing I could do except wear a kotex maxi pad. Yeah, no. I went home.

+nine: I knew I was in the wrong place...  when I walked out of a gas station, opened the door and got into my friend's car (I was driving) and two old ladies in the back seat asked if I was "looking for a hot date." Their husbands' were inside the gas station. In about 10 seconds they asked if I was married and told me how much I reminded one of her grandson who "finally just got married....didn't think he would ever..." So it was pretty much a slap in the face by two blue haired strangers.

+ten: I am so not above... paying for my entire order at Sonic with coins. They never get my order correct and it takes an obscene amount of time to deliver a butterfinger blast with extra butterfinger and NO WHIPPED TOPPING that ALWAYS has whipped topping. So I count the change and then give it to them in a handful, not separated by coin...

+eleven: Let's pretend... two things: I am still 29 AND I would be able to use my shades all day and be somewhere like this...

+twelve: Just you wait... Holly will blog again one day...and maybe Hubby Jack, too..Prepare yourself--Holly's Post is coming...

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

the one about something BIG!

I have some good stuff, y'all.

Since it has been so long since the last one, I think it's time to FINISH THE SENTENCE! Who wants to play?? I know it's hard to come up with blog topics sometimes that don't bore you to tears or make you want to say "Dude...quit bitching..." Also, I have talked to my blog lover, Holly. Guess what? She is participating!!!!!! So y'all prepare your post for Friday...and to make me feel legit and not like Michelle Williams of Destiny's Child, let's shoot for at least 20-30 participants...we used to get like 150 when Holly and I did them together... So tell yo kids, tell yo wife... let's whore it out on social media! I am talking to you ERIN.  And you KARA. And you MARCY.  And anyone else who doesn't have a blog, Copy these questions and send me an email and I will post the best answers in a new post. The TWO best will win a prize!

And for nostalgia, take a look at this!


1. This weather is really.....

2. You think you've seen it all, you should see me....

3. I'm sure you would still love me even if...

4. I think I have finally realized...

5. Since the last time we linked up (February 28, 2014)...

6. I get super embarrassed...

7. I really thought by now...

8. If I thought no one would read it, I would write about...

9. I knew I was in the wrong place...

10. I am so not above...

11. Let's pretend...

12. Just you wait...

Monday, March 9, 2015

the one about long days

Today is the first day I am begrudgingly going to school until 4:30. It's the rule. I must go by rules. I will bitch until I am blue in the face, but it does no good. Since that vote passed (I still don't know who would vote for that??) I must just abide. Whatever.

Aaaannnnndddddd, we had two more snow days last Thursday and Friday, so I guess we will just start spending the night at school. FML.

But on those two snow days we got about 6 inches of snow, so that called for a snow party. There were quite a few people gathered in a field, with side-by-sides, four wheelers, car hoods, lake intertubes, sleds, etc. The age range was about four to sixty four. We had a big time...

And I won a game of Left Right Center. I never win anything. Ever. I won about $50 and you would have thought I won the power ball....

Today I was an administrator of what used to be called the Benchmark Exams until stupid common core thought everyone should be "on the same level" which means everyone will fail the new version--PARCC. It was pretty much like someone wrote down my worst nightmare and made it happen in real life this morning. What a cluster. But next year we will not do it because the House (of Representatives, I guess..) voted to NOT do PARCC.. haller-lujah.

Here's to a better Tuesday.