Friday, March 20, 2015

the one with friday's four [20MAR15]

+one: I totally can't function without my Holly. My link up with Kara was what is known as an EPIC FAIL. I totally feel like Robin Thicke must have felt like when he released his album Paula and only sold 400 copies... Oh well, there were only five participants including Kara and me. Woomp Woomp...Holly had a tiny catastrophe and Olive Betty was sick all night, so she had more pressing issues than a guest post. I promise we will do one again, and I will either pay people to participate or Kara suggested we could make fake blogs and link them....Oh well, my blog without Holly is like American Idol without Simon and Paula.

+two: I am reading a book that is super duper sad because I make myself read a non-fiction for every third fiction book to remove myself from the fantasy world I loose myself in when I read about fictional events. This book is called Fly a Little Higher: How God Answered One Mom's Small Prayer in a Big Way. It's about the life of a kid named Zach who has terminal cancer and his amazing gift of song writing.

From Amazon: But Zach’s story is not just about music. It’s a testament to what can happen when you live as if each day might be your last. It’s a story about the human spirit. It’s about how God used a dying boy from a small town in Minnesota to touch the hearts of millions—including top executives in the music industry, major music artists, news anchors, talk show hosts, actors, priests and pastors, and school children across the globe. --This is a MUST READ. It's not too terribly sad because of the joy he brought so it.

+three: Y'all know how I like Timehop. Well I hated it today. This is what I saw. My facebook status from 2010.

Boy, how things have changed. Used to, I went on a legit vacation every big break from school--spring break, summer break (usually 2-3), and Christmas, I go when my parents pay and I plan. My credit card balance is higher than the elevation of the mountains I once skied on a vacation...This Spring Break, I am printing shirts all week--I don't know when I will learn to like common things. I would rather just do without than settle...

+four: Since I am probably not blogging next week because I will be working like a slave, I want to go ahead and wish my very best friend in the whole wide world a HAPPY HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY on Monday...See... back in the day, we would celebrate her birthday on our Spring Break trip and my birthday on the Christmas break trip. This year, we will have lunch. How grand....

at a high school party...

chicago, spring break 2012

2009 after a trip to mexico

2013, shea's birthday

at a dave show in 2013

wedding fun

Happy Birthday, my friend! I hope we get to spend many many more together!!

Thursday, March 12, 2015

the one with a LINK UP!

the life of jake

The day is finally here again! It's like Christmas morning to me. It's LINK UP TIME!! Kara and I are hosting this one since Holly has jumped ship on us...but hold the phone...One of my top 10 favorite people OF ALL TIME is back in my life again! She needs absolutely no introduction to anyone in the blog world because of course she is (in my best SNL version) literally everything.  But for the eight person audience I have own my own, she is the the one who made my blog have traffic. And the reason I have "over 1000 Instagram followers" as I love to remind my friends who have only 200. Shameless plug--with all the anticipated traffic thanks to my fairly blog mother pimping this post, first things first I'm a realist go follow me on Instagram here or search me @jakegerrard (I'll take it off private for today because some people feel crunchy requesting to follow others--sometimes my pride gets me too..)

+one: This weather is really..... my go-to boring convo topic with someone equally as snore fest.... AND it makes me think Al Gore is an ever bigger idiot than I once thought. It certainly doesn't add up to me. I don't consider NINE degrees in March to be any kind of climate crisis other than keeping me in school until July/4:30 because of the snow.

+two: You think you've seen it all, you should see me.... when my cousin Marilyn and I karaoke and the DJ plays anything by Salt+Peppa or Snoop. It's looks something like this:

We are automatically taken back to the 1900's. It's big.

+three: I'm sure you would still love me even if... you could see my browser history...

+four: I think I have finally realized... I am never going to be an E! News host, have my own cooking show (Down Home Dinner With Uptown Style), get selected as a Big Brother houseguest--about 12 of last season's 16 were scouted, and let's face it--I am no Ken doll, or enjoy English peas.

+five: Since the last time we linked up (February 28, 2014)... my bank account has dropped a significant amount of sizes and my jeans have increased...isn't that ironic? Owning a home is only fun when I don't have to transfer money to pay for something so not fun like a new breaker box or homeowner's insurance. Ew. I imagine it is what choosing to have children must be like...spending money on something that is of no benefit to me...and Mother thinks she is ready for grands...not from me.

+six: I get super embarrassed... for those people who think they are good singers and are so not even a little bit good... Like this guy on The Bachelorette a few years ago..

See, I told you...and you thought I would tell you something embarrassing about me...well, nothing comes to mind.

+seven: I really thought by now... I would be rich and I am so confused why I'm not.

+eight: If I thought no one would read it, I would write about... the time I had the hemorrhoid. And how it was thrombosed--which basically means it has a heartbeat--then it erupted as I was dropping the kids off at the pool. Then it looked like a murder scene in the toilet and the reason I don't make anything red velvet any more. And then it wouldn't stop so I went to the school nurse and she said there was nothing I could do except wear a kotex maxi pad. Yeah, no. I went home.

+nine: I knew I was in the wrong place...  when I walked out of a gas station, opened the door and got into my friend's car (I was driving) and two old ladies in the back seat asked if I was "looking for a hot date." Their husbands' were inside the gas station. In about 10 seconds they asked if I was married and told me how much I reminded one of her grandson who "finally just got married....didn't think he would ever..." So it was pretty much a slap in the face by two blue haired strangers.

+ten: I am so not above... paying for my entire order at Sonic with coins. They never get my order correct and it takes an obscene amount of time to deliver a butterfinger blast with extra butterfinger and NO WHIPPED TOPPING that ALWAYS has whipped topping. So I count the change and then give it to them in a handful, not separated by coin...

+eleven: Let's pretend... two things: I am still 29 AND I would be able to use my shades all day and be somewhere like this...

+twelve: Just you wait... Holly will blog again one day...and maybe Hubby Jack, too..Prepare yourself--Holly's Post is coming...

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

the one about something BIG!

I have some good stuff, y'all.

Since it has been so long since the last one, I think it's time to FINISH THE SENTENCE! Who wants to play?? I know it's hard to come up with blog topics sometimes that don't bore you to tears or make you want to say "Dude...quit bitching..." Also, I have talked to my blog lover, Holly. Guess what? She is participating!!!!!! So y'all prepare your post for Friday...and to make me feel legit and not like Michelle Williams of Destiny's Child, let's shoot for at least 20-30 participants...we used to get like 150 when Holly and I did them together... So tell yo kids, tell yo wife... let's whore it out on social media! I am talking to you ERIN.  And you KARA. And you MARCY.  And anyone else who doesn't have a blog, Copy these questions and send me an email and I will post the best answers in a new post. The TWO best will win a prize!

And for nostalgia, take a look at this!


1. This weather is really.....

2. You think you've seen it all, you should see me....

3. I'm sure you would still love me even if...

4. I think I have finally realized...

5. Since the last time we linked up (February 28, 2014)...

6. I get super embarrassed...

7. I really thought by now...

8. If I thought no one would read it, I would write about...

9. I knew I was in the wrong place...

10. I am so not above...

11. Let's pretend...

12. Just you wait...

Monday, March 9, 2015

the one about long days

Today is the first day I am begrudgingly going to school until 4:30. It's the rule. I must go by rules. I will bitch until I am blue in the face, but it does no good. Since that vote passed (I still don't know who would vote for that??) I must just abide. Whatever.

Aaaannnnndddddd, we had two more snow days last Thursday and Friday, so I guess we will just start spending the night at school. FML.

But on those two snow days we got about 6 inches of snow, so that called for a snow party. There were quite a few people gathered in a field, with side-by-sides, four wheelers, car hoods, lake intertubes, sleds, etc. The age range was about four to sixty four. We had a big time...

And I won a game of Left Right Center. I never win anything. Ever. I won about $50 and you would have thought I won the power ball....

Today I was an administrator of what used to be called the Benchmark Exams until stupid common core thought everyone should be "on the same level" which means everyone will fail the new version--PARCC. It was pretty much like someone wrote down my worst nightmare and made it happen in real life this morning. What a cluster. But next year we will not do it because the House (of Representatives, I guess..) voted to NOT do PARCC.. haller-lujah.

Here's to a better Tuesday.


Wednesday, March 4, 2015

the one with so whats [3.4.15]

I just voted to completely negate what I have been bitching about for the last few weeks. That's right, we voted as a staff to either make up snow days by going to school a WHOLE EXTRA HOUR for ONE WHOLE WEEK to only make up ONE snow day. That's stupid. And other than having all summer off, the reason I became a teacher was to get off work every day at 3:30. If I wanted a nine to five 7:40-4:30, I would have done that. So I voted NO because we have to make up five snow days and I am not trying to be at school for that many hours with those bay bay kids. I think we should just not have to make ALL of them up. Can't we say we did, and don't. Part of my grumpiness comes from my having to break up a GIRL fight on Monday. The longer these kids are at school together, the more likely they are to scrap. I took a photo of one of the remnants...

Yes, that's weave.

I am super late to the party and just now have the Timehop app. I have decided it only confirms I am old, I was really chunky in college, and loved Dickson Street. I can't believe my senior year of college was NINE years ago. I know I sound like such a Papaw, by good gracious where does the time go? I think it's sometimes incorrect. 

These are from three years ago at the races when it was 62 degrees and sunny. Today forecast is 22 and snowing/sleeting. Mother nature is such a #seeyounexttuesday. 

I am way more in to The Voice than American Idol. The Voice is on for the third night this week tonight. You know, like Idol used to be a few years ago when it was still good. Last week Idol was Snooze Fest 2015.  Last night I really liked the kid from Oklahoma (Corey Kent White) who picked Blake as his Coach. You know last year the winner had a double name too...I think this kid will go pretty far...

And speaking of Idol. Kelly Clarkson is catching some flack for her weight as she is promoting her new album. One #seeyounexttuesday wrote "She had a baby a year ago, that's not baby weight...that's carrot cake weight..." Burn. I don't care if she is looks like a hippopotamus, she can sing like none other...and of course her bit on Fallon Monday night was epic....

Y'all be well-

Monday, March 2, 2015

the one with a gin show recap

I spent the weekend in Memphis. Lots of Fun was had. Take a look.

  We started at Bardog where we watched the Razorbacks get beat by Kentucky.

This is the party planner for the weekend. She did a great job, and told us all how great of a job she did. 

  Next it was dinner at Itta Bena..never disappoints.

 My favorite place on Earth, Alfred's. This was insprired by Ellen's Oscar selfie. #winning

 Mendy has to try super hard to keep her eyes open in a picture with a flash. She did it!

Ashley and me with Bethany. She loves us and plays whatever I request. Seriously. My go to request is Bohemian Rhapsody/We Are the Champions. They save it until last. They are only at Alfred's until the end of May. That will be a sad day, but I will be there.

My Roomie who I never saw awake in the room because she went to bed at a reasonable hour, and I of course lost all inhibition and didn't get in bed until 4 am. She left early the next day because she is a responsible mother and I am an irresponsible college kid apparently...

 This picture was inspired by Time Hop. We did this a few years ago, but I can't find the actual picture.

This is a replica of the original...

This picture was inspired by Snoop Dogg.

and this is the only picture I managed to take at Raiford's (my other favorite place)--Mendy asked if anyone else heard a horn. It was the lady screaming on repeat.

Gin Show weekend is always epic. This was no exception. II think I am Peter Pan and refuse to grow old. I will still dance like I am in a cardio class and sweat like a W.I.C. when I am old and gray.

Friday, February 27, 2015

the one on friday | 2.27.15 |

I don't know if I can get all the info in just four main points, but I will try...

+one: In the past two weeks, I have missed FIVE days of school. Today is the first day this week I have been at work...and I could get used to this working on Fridays only... Well, not really because I have been at home for four days straight, and here are some of the bad things I did every day.

--woke up at 7am, only to go back to bed for a morning nap from about 9-11. Best. Sleep. Ever.
--I ate as though it was the only way into Heaven.
--I showered just once in the four days--it was amaze balls.
--I wore PJs and a hoodie every day.
--I drank an obscene amount of adult beverages

While I did bad things, I did wash all the dirty laundry and made my bed every day (only because I was afraid I would have a visitor)--and you know the saying:

+two: I got in touch with my creative side in the form of some art I have been needing to do since last summer..It is hanging above my fireplace that has never been used because I don't know where to find a chimney sweep who is not Mary Poppins' friend, Bert.

I was also asked to design a shirt for my friend, and long-time, faithful blog reader who is going on a Kid Rock CRUISE. Supposedly, Kid parties with the shipmates and it's a damn good time. The shirt contest is for the cruisers..Now, we all know Kid Rock certainly doesn't epitomize posh, so this was my chance to do a shirt with no rules. I drew a bit of inspiration from 50 Shades of Grey--that I watched last weekend. I really liked it. Since Kid Rock's new album cover features big lips, we decided we should do lips as well. Biting Lips...and that decal you see on 18-wheelers on the interstate...

+three: TV:

The Oscar's were stupid long. Here's what I noted:

--Patricia Arquette is all about women's power and Meryl is right there with her..

--Chris Pine had no tissue to wipe is single tear he mustered up during John Legend's performance

--John Travolta is the the creepiest man alive:

And Lupita couldn't decide how many pearls to wear, so she wore all the pearls from the west coast.

American Idol started, and it was less than par. The boys did way better than the girls. I am afraid my homeboy, Michael Simeon will not make the cut for the top 12. He did a Michael Bolton number (How Am I Supposed to Live Without You) and I had to cover my eyes in shame fro was one of those "poor ginger who is not cool enough to do that" moments.. The Beckham guy who did When a Man Loves a Woman was good. The Ed Sheran and Nick Jonas covers were good too.

Most importantly, The Voice was back with a coach dream team. I am glad Christina is back. She is so good. Speaking of (you know where I am going if you know my love for Fallon at all), did yall see her do Wheel of Musical Impressions?? He Cher and Britney were on point.

+four: Finally, save the best for last--I am not the only one with a big birthday--My awesome; amazing; wise; faithful; christian role model; providing; considerate; hates all apple products but has iPhone, iPad and iMac because he values my tech opinions; methodical; and BEST DAD IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD has a birthday on Sunday--he will be 60! So here's to another 60 with my friend! We love you Dad!