Tuesday, September 16, 2014

the one with trash talk

let's talk trash.

---So last year after the Miss America pageant, my publicist had to do some damage control after I ignorantly used a racial slur aimed toward the Indian-American winner. That's in the past. I apologized. This year, there is something more pressing: the winner's talent. I'm sorry. She ultimately played a drinking game on stage. It's laughable. I wonder why she didn't just sing instead of doing a little cup ditty? Whatever. I am proud of Miss Arkansas for being 2nd runner up!

I thought the puppet girl had a pretty entertaining talent. of course she didn't compare to Alyse Eady from Arkansas a few years ago.

---I watched fast forwarded though Dancing With The Stars last night, and this is what I noted:

*Carlton from Fresh Prince was BY FAR the best dancer.
*Duck Dynasty Daughter was BY FAR the HOTTEST "star"
*I didn't know bloggers were considered "stars"--I vote for Daddy Jack to be on next season.
*Lolo Jones made me embarrassed for her. 
*Apparently I need to DVR Pretty Little Liars because that girl is a close second to duck daughter in hotness.
*Julianne Hough left her hot set in her hair three days too long.
*Derrick needs to shave that nasty facial hair.
*Erin Andrews is a dime.

---The NFL is not having a very good month so far. Ray Rice should be tied to a tree and let his wife that still married him after he beat the dog shit out of beat his ass. Real nice gentleman, Ray. And Andrian Peterson just got caught doing something that I know my parents and all my friends' parents have done. And I love that they are calling it a "branch." He got whipped with a switch because I am sure he was being a little asshole. Before I get hate mail, I understand it was worse than a little spanking, and I do not condone child abuse. I think Adrian did go a little too far for a four year old.

---Kanye told a wheelchair bound concertgoer to stand up. And now is not apologizing. He is certainly an asshole, and perhaps he should be put in a room with Ray Rice. I don't care how much creativity he has, he is a jerk. Lucky Kim.

---So I pre ordered the new iPhone. They were available for pre order at midnight on Thursday. That was pacific time, which meant 2am here. I wasn't risking waiting until real morning, so I woke up and ordered at 2:01 am. Call me a dork...it will be here on Friday, the day they come out...I am pretty pumped about having 64gb of storage for my whole iTunes library!!

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

the one with a playlist


Call me a nerd, but I am geeking out over Apple announcing the new iPhone..basically because my phone informs me just about every day that my "storage is almost full..." So I can't wait to get my hands on something with more than 16GB so I don't have to worry with adding and deleting playlists to have music based on my mood.

Speaking of music, I have to make a playlist to listen to as I mow my giant yard that takes over two hours...I appropriately named it "cut that grass for free" from my all-time favorite movie--Forrest Gump. Here are some of my current favorite songs:

1. Neon Light by Blake Shelton--Typically I am not a fan of Blake's music..I mean I listen, but I don't buy. I don't tend to like people who aren't current--and by current, I mean a moussed hairstyle. He really needs to get that under control.

2. Rude by MAGIC!

3. Bang Bang by Jessie J., Ariana Grande, and Nicki Minaj--because what 29 year old white male doesn't have that on his playlist? I think the same goes for number 4--

4. All About That Bass by Meghan Trainor--this song is this year's Call Me Maybe--a song that you know all the words to, but are certainly mortified if it comes across on a shuffle and quickly blame it on your friend's kid because she bought on your phone to make up a pee wee cheer leading dance...

5. Wiggle by Jason Derulo--and I recorded the VMAs and I will not delete it because I long to be able to dance like I don't look like I am have a seizure. Dude can move.\

6. Meanwhile Back at Mama's by Tim McGraw--I know, my taste in music is like my brain when I forget to take adderall. But I just enjoy this song--and it "features Faith Hill" but in the video, you see the side of half of her face--I assume she had bad botox and it didn't have time to heal before her call time on the set of this video.

7. Anything by Sam Smith--I would compare him to Adele, in male form.

8. nothing by Taylor Swift.

ok. excuse me while I tune into the live event...gotta get a good seat.

until next time..

Friday, September 5, 2014

the one about monica, chandler, jimmy, and adam

It seems as though I am receiving some sort of divine intervention. Well not really, but after my post on Wednesday about feeling old I saw something that indeed confirmed my getting closer to retirement age and made me smile. Do you all know what happened TWENTY YEARS AGO this very month?? I will give you a hint--the one that is one of the two episodes that doesn't start with "the one"-- it is simply called "The Pilot." Yes, my friends, FRIENDS premiered in September of 1994. Take a moment. I did read this article on Facebook that ranks ALL the friends episodes in order from 236 all the way to 1. For the most part, I agree with the ranking, but I would change a few in the top spots. I do agree with the 236 spot. The episode after Joey and Rachel kiss is my least favorite of them all. My favorites that are not in the top ten are: #12. The One With All the Football and #13 The One the Morning After. And my #1 would be The One Where Ross Got High.

As you all know, in my mind, Jimmy Fallon is a comedic genius. I love his show almost as much as I love Friends. I am sure y'all have seen the video of Jimmy challenging Adam Levine to a round of "karaoke" as someone else. Adam did a spot on impression of Frank Sinatra and Eddie Vedder, but his version of Sesame Street as Michael Jackson could be released as a single it was so good. 

Speaking of late night TV, I saw this and I assume I am not a good guy....

have a good weekend, y'all

until next time...

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

the one about tell-tell signs

There are tell-tell signs in a man's life revealing his status as not being as young as he once was... I think I may have experienced all of these signs past weekend. You see, I went back to the old college town to hang with college friends, only to find out I am in fact, certainly NOT in college anymore..
never too old for a selfie.

we made sure to get the beautiful sunset in the background

here's your sign(s):
|one| On my four and a half our drive, not only did I have to stop more than once to relieve the ole bladder, but also to just stretch my legs... In the days of yore, I could make the drive without stopping....next thing you know I will be stopping to browse the "hand-made quilts" in the flea markets...
|1a| people actually passed me on the interstate.What?

|two| When we set out for the lake, we made sure to fill the coolers--with snacks and sandwiches?? We did have adult beverages packed as well, but I also made sure to take a Zantac prior to my one Bloody Mary as there is not enough antacid in the world to allow me to have more than one...

|three| after we spent too much time discussing whether Hellman's or Kraft was the better mayo (Hellman's, for sure) we spent even more time applying sunscreen. A few years ago, SPF didn't even cross my mind--then again, I used to actually appear to be something other than Casper. Now, it's either Edward Cullen or burned. No nice tans....

|four| the first night at the lake we were all in bed by 10:30. 

|five| while we actually have always made fun of Brad's mom's "headache free" visors--you all know what I am talking about with the spiral cords--this year, she bought some for us as a joke but most of us wore them--not as a joke, but to shield our tender eyes...


|six| As per usual, we all made fun of each other about something or another. (I am always made fun of for my cutting-edge style--only to see Brad wearing the exact thing he made fun of me for the following time I am in town) This year I made fun of you know who's thinning hair. HA! But really, thinning hair jokes are for mid-thirties, not late twenties.

Other "mature" topics included the price of sofas, c-sections vs. who-ha births, work?, politics, fox news, resting on the weekends, and so much more...but my nearly 30 year old brain can't remember..

On the positive side, this makes me feel better about three zero--these products all turn 30 in 2014:

the cosby show....
the karate kid
While I write this, I am really only joking about being "old" even though I am knocking on 30's door--not that I am counting, but in 112 days..I am actually very thankful for my blessed-beyond-measure life. Of course it is not the life my 16 year-old self (who debated whether or not to address  someone who was 30 as Mr./Mrs. or just call them their name because that was SO old) unrealistically dreamed of being certain by the time I was thirty I would have either won an Oscar or living in NYC (even though I had never been) hanging out with my SNL cast mates... I guess what turning thirty has taught me is that it's all about perspective and "success" is subjective---I am just fine living in a town with a smaller population that one building in the city, enjoying watching the Oscars--at my house, on my sofa in gym shorts and a ratty t-shirt, and as far as SNL, I did put my name in the lottery for tickets this season, again... When I don't get chosen, I will do the same as last year...TiVo it and watch it Sunday afternoon right before my weekly nap. 

Life is good y'all. Live it up.  

until next time...

Friday, August 29, 2014

the one with friday's four + too many gifs

1. I have made it through week two of this school year. Which means only 16 school weeks until Christmas break--not that I am counting. So let's just say for the sake of not losing my job or some HIPPA violation, I am writing a screenplay for my television show about a student who is narcoleptic. Let's just say this GIRL also happens to be on the football team. [Need I remind you all that I could write a book based REAL LIFE EVENTS that happen in my classroom??] The scene is this: The teacher was talking to this student and explaining to her how her hands should be placed on the keyboard, and much to the teacher's bewilderment--ole gal passes smooth out..While the teacher freaking out, this chick is already knee deep in her dream of becoming Peyton Manning. I mean, she is sleeping harder than I was the night I took an Ambien and slept right through the alarm that I unplugged in my sleep and also turned off my cell phone.  So the teacher tries to wake up this football star who is still a girl, and there is no hope. So the teacher freaks out and asks another student to call the nurse, only to be told the girl has a sleep disorder. Wouldn't it be nice if the teacher could use that as an excuse...especially the class period right after lunch. Here's to hoping this football girl doesn't fall asleep on the line of scrimmage.

 2. I am really surprised the house guests vote Donny out instead of Nicole last night...she is dangerous...I really liked Donny, and now that I saw him outside the house, still as nice and emotional as he was inside, I like him better...I thought it was his strategy to play poor, pitiful old me...but I think he really is a titty baby sometimes... side note: I don't know if there has ever been such an emotional cast. My goodness they cry at the drop of a hat. Geez.


Now that Caleb won POV, I am so curios to see if there will be a big move made this week. If he was a smart player, and since he seems to have taken Zach's place as Frankie's new lover and would not put him up, he needs to take this opp to get Derrick out, otherwise Season 16 goes to Derrick. Then Caleb can laugh all the way to bank....

3. Ok, so speaking of TV--my heart skipped a beat when I read something about a FRIENDS reunion. Then I read it was on Jimmy Kimmel, and it was only the girls. I think it was nice to see them together, but the whole deal was kind of lame to me. And after I watched it, I read the comments on the video and some people mentioned how much of a bitch Jen seemed to be. Quite the opposite actually...she was acting...come on peeps. If you want, take a look at the video. By the way, Phoebe hasn't had near the amount of botox Monica has had--she actually looks real in comparisson to Court's plastic face... and Rachel still is a 10. Always will be. duh.

4. Finally, who cares that Brad and Angelina got married? Not me.

Have a good weekend, y'all!

until next time...

Thursday, August 28, 2014

the one about my college friends

happy thursday, my friends...I am leaving town this weekend to go hang out with my buddies from college. Every time I go back to Northwest Arkansas, I have all of my favorite memories come flooding back, making me long for the days I went to class, came home to watch Dawson's Creek (good thing we did that because had we not, we would have no nickname for the boy that would later become Jaclyn's groom--I looked for the profile picture he had when they started dating, but obviously he took it down because we called him Joey Potter because she had a very similar sweater--it was something similar to this)

reruns with Jaclyn and Jaqueline, eat lunch, get ready to go out somewhere, eat late night Taco Bell, go to bed, do it all over again, and make sure my Mom deposited my weekly allowance. It was really the life. If I only had the money now I spent back then on Shrimply Tuesday at Red Lobster and a sickening amount of Chicken Scampi at Olive Garden, I could pay my mortgage every month. I thought it may be fun to re-live some of my favorite memories in honor of this weekend || No worries, Kara and Jaclyn--I will only mention the PG versions--I know y'all have pit sweat anticipating what I may discuss...relax, girl.

||one|| we were babies. This was my Junior year in the Sigma Chi house. We did lots of fun stuff here. I was in this room when the infamous Toga night happened. That is one of the best memories I have from college. At the time, we thought our lives were over...

||two|| this was one of our last functions to attend--Two Steppin and Neckin...There was a cowboy theme and my lovey roommates thought a vest was so fetch. On any given day of the week, they had something over a long sleeved tee--that was their uniform.

||three|| this was at Blu--our absolute favorite bar--simply because we could get in on a fake with no problem. We went to Blu three nights a week. Speaking of thinking something is fetch, I loved to pop a collar. I am sure Jaclyn told me she liked it only to shut me up and make me focus on which color plain tee she was wearing...the decisions we were faced with.... After Blu we got brave and tried other bars only to be turned away because Kara's fake ID featured a young lady who showed every tooth in her head and had a stacked up haircut that was so unfortunate.. then it was on to the big one--On The Rocks...we became a little too comfortable with our alter egos, and Jaclyn got her's taken. She bribed the boucer, only to reduce to tears and leading us to get ice cream and a movie night....we thought it was the end of our worlds.

||four|| just in the font yard on a random spring day....

||five|| I had been in the red wine as you can see by my purple teeth. I remember on this night someone told me my "Zac Efron haircut was horrible..." I also look like I have never had my picture taken in this photo...why the weird look, dude?

||six|| the day we graduated was so bittersweet...the four years of knowing each other and becoming best friends chapter was closing...I also remember this day and Jaclyn laughing so hard at me because they asked what name we wanted read when it was time to walk across the stage and Jaclyn told me just to write "Jake Gerrard" and of course everyone else had their full names read...It sounded like I only had one low-budget name..thanks, Dee.

It's also a wonder I graduated with as decent of a GPA as I did. I remember the first test I took in college I made an F on...I had never flunked a test..then when it came time for business classes, my whole group of friends was so smart--like 32 ACT smart...and I'm all like.."24 after 4 tries and tutors..." to be fair, I don't test well and I am the one with the Master's degree..so suck it. So on that first test, we checked our scores on the computer in the BA, and I made like a 70 something and they all set the curve....Jaclyn laughed hysterically....

||seven|| our house in the snow...notice my vehicle is outside the garage even though neither of the girls were at home...I made that mistake once of parking in the garage and I thought Jax would claw my face off she was so pissed...I am surprised she didn't rear end me...and who was I to think I deserved a key to my own house?? Jax told me no to that as well, and locked me out of our shared bathroom every single morning.

||eight|| NYE this year...together again. Notice they are in front of me, covering me up with the sign...I didn't need to be seen..

can't wait for another fun weekend of memories, you poka playas!

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

the one about the gallery wall

Yesterday, very white trashily, I double-cussed and triple-cussed way too many times. Why you ask? I finally decided to stop tripping over the gallery wall layout in my living room floor and move it to the wall. Every time I would walk over it, I would change something around. So I just decided to start nailing. I measured from the ceiling to hang the top row so it would be even. I knew noting else would be even, so I wanted it to appear to have some sort of rhyme or reason.

I planned to have more photos, and I will add more eventually, but I was at my max after working on this for over two hours...

side note || you can pin "gallery wall templates" until you are blue in the face, but unless you plan to buy all new frames that are the exact same measurements as those in the pins, hang it up...no pun intended. I finally decided my tape measure was magic and the numbers swapped positions, leading me to nearly break a window by throwing the sonofabitch through it. It's like I was special. How can 18 inches be different 12 inches down the wall?

Then, you all remember the moose head I ordered? I planned to use it on the wall adjacent to the gallery wall. Much to my surprise--I don't know why I expected it to be what I wanted since it just came via FedEx yesterday and I ordered it the first week of May--I misread the measurements. They were in centimeters instead of inches. It looks like wall decor for a dollhouse. So instead, I used it in the midst of the frames. I guess I am ok with it....

There are 12 frames total on the wall and no less than 28 nail holes. I know. I guess I should have just hired it done, or I should have done it when adderall was still in my system.

until next time...

Monday, August 25, 2014

the one without much content

This morning was the first time I made a complete sentence since Friday night. The party was a success and we had a really good turnout. I got a little post happy with the photos I took. I am sure you all saw them, but just in case you don't follow me on insta (@jakegerrard) here is a recap for you....

sarah, me, and my mom...there are some pretty ladies in my family...

sarah and me...she is the maid of honor in the wedding.

my brother (who told me my faux hawk was too tall) and me...always honest.

all the gerrard cousins, minus thomas.

our pretty mama.

I notice now why I only like certain brands in pants. This baggy leg is less than fortunate. Noted.

I did watch the VMAs last night, until I fell asleep by about 9:20, so I missed Beyonce's "performance of her life.." All the performances were just OK to me...there was definitely a "shock factor" absence this year unless you count Nicki Minaj's purposely leaving her dress unzipped and calling it a wardrobe malfunction....She could fall off the Earth for all I care....waste of space in my opinion. On the other hand, Sam Smith can do no wrong...He has the best tone. Too bad people now know Kim Kardashian calls him her friend. Yikes.

Emmy's tonight, and I am all about Breaking Bad cleaning house--most specifically Aaron Paul taking home the award for Supporting Actor in a Drama, Bitch. 

until next time...

Friday, August 22, 2014

the one with friday's four || august 22

|one| I have had very positive feedback from my post about ALS yesterday. I honestly think it's amazing how much more aware I have become of ALS in the past week. It is so, so sad. I can't imagine knowing perfectly well what is going on around me at all times, and not being able to communicate how I feel. Also chewing and swallowing become next to impossible..Finally, in the late stages ALS patients begin mimicking Locked In Syndrome (LIS) which is a condition in which a patient is aware but cannot move or communicate verbally due to complete paralysis of nearly all voluntary muscles in the body except for the eyes. And I watched this video yesterday and even my (sometimes) cold heart melted. 

|two| I am hosting a party tonight for my long-time/new again neighbor. My parents have lived on Chapelwood over 20 years now, and I could not have asked for a better childhood. We loved our neighbors, Beck and Greg. As the oldest two, Beck and I ruled. We all but tortured Greg. We have shared many four-wheelers, go-carts, dirt bikes, and anything else with wheels that we could crash. Now, I am back in that same hood in the house that I told everyone in the neighborhood at 18 years old that I wanted to own one day. Full circle. But Greg is getting married and I am in charge {because I wouldn't have it any other way} of coordinating everything for the party tonight. At the end of the day, a party with James Beard award winning BBQ from right here in Marianna and beer can't be bad, right? I did make the invitations as well....

|three| I have not mentioned Big Brother much--if at all--on the blog. This season is not my favorite. I wanted Zach to be the juror who got to go back into the game, not Nicole. She seems like she has always had her way and when things don't go exactly according to her plan, she puts everyone on blast. But, she's back and I just have to deal. If you don't want a spoiler about who is the new HOH this week, quit reading now. It's Cody. I am sure his target will be Nicole, as it should be. I am so confused as to how Victoria is still in the house. She is THE WORST HOUSEGUEST EVER. She was bitching about Zach picking on her, well...of course he is...she is such an easy target. Here is what I think about the house guest:  

|four| trash talk--

---Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon and divorcing, and she made him sign a contract stating he could not breathe one word of the split to anyone or he would have to pay her, but she can announce it when the timing is right for her. What a biatch. But since she holds her ear every singe time she sings, she probably wouldn't hear him if he did have a pair and disobeyed mother. 

---Ryan Seacrest's yacht is so big he can exercise on it as though it's a track. Tough life.

 ---So this Sunday the VMAs are on. It was one year ago this weekend that Miley's ass changed her life forever. Since then, her grindee --Robin Thicke-- has split from his wife and released an album titled "Paula" that sold only 24,000 copies--only 530 sold in the U.K. and a 54 in Australia. Fifty four. I'm sorry, what? Tough year to be Robin Thicke--and to make matters worse, in his last minutes of fame he was wearing his Beetlejuice costume..

y'all have a great weekend, and be well my friends!!

until next time...

Thursday, August 21, 2014

the one about ALS

Typically, I am the one who gets completely annoyed by trendy posts on social media...like posting gym selfies, announcing that "we're pregnant" even though last time I checked, your husband doesn't have a uterus--it's just the woman (I am happy for y'all, though...) That bugs. I am also not very fond of "checking in" or begging someone to comment when you post an elusive status about a "problem."

All of this being said, I am very fond of the #icebucketchallenge. There are some haters though. First of all the aforementioned annoyances are dumb and haven't much of a purpose but this is for a good cause, and for it to bug someone is heartless. I have seen a few people's statuses complaining about this cause. I don't understand how someone could not only be annoyed by it, but mention your dislike on FB only to confirm you are in fact a coward. If someone has a problem, don't look at Facebook or Insta. This campaign is simply helping to inform those hard headed people about the ALS disease. It's raising awareness. So like it or not, even your complaining is making others and perhaps yourself a bit more aware... That's like saying you hate everyone who wears pink in October for Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

Sure, there are tons of other illnesses and diseases that most people don't even know exist, much less anything about them. So here's my opinion: If you or someone you love has an issue of some sort that you think is more significantly damning, then you should take it upon yourself to do the same thing the creators of this Ice Bucket challenge did...I am sure people would help as much as they can to raise awareness...So get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay.

I donated to alsa.org AND did the challenge. I like to help out when I can. I don't know a whole lot of people who have been affected by ALS, but I do know one--David Cohn. He was such a good guy and has an amazing family! I donated in memory of him, so if you don't have anyone to do this in memory of, do it for him. All the Cohn girls have done a great job of making people more aware.
This is a quote from Mrs. Cohn who lost her husband to ALS.....
"To those that have posted negatives about the ALS ice bucket challenge, here's one for you that doesn't involve any water. When you go to bed tonight, put your arms at your side, don't move a muscle, you only move your eyes to communicate with your loved ones, take very shallow breaths...you will DIE! No known cause or cure. The worst part is your brain is not affected..You know everything that is going on until you take your last breath. That is the real ALS challenge....If dumping water on our heads is getting attention then I say bring it on..." 

these are some funny failures...

until next time...

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

the one about #hashes

I did the ice bucket challenge. It was so cold, but I did it not too long after I went to the gym for the first time since last semester [as a teacher, I refer to my life in semesters...] so it was a nice cool down. I posted it on Facebook last night, and one would think I should be in resource classes as long as it took me to post the damn thing. See, what had happened was, I bought an iPhone nearly two years ago and it is only 16GB--Gasp. Since I have so much music and photos and whatnot, I have no more storage space left. For anything. So I had to record on Matthew's phone, then couldn't upload to the book because it was synced with his account... OK, after typing that, I understand that is such a first world problem. I digress.

Speaking of cellular units and such, let's talk about Instagram. You wanna know what bugs me so badly? #toomanyhashtags I don't understand why one thinks it is necessary to have 14 hashtags for a photo she posts on Tuesday only to "throwback" that same photo on Thursday with the same strand of hash that makes me cross my eyeballs trying to read it. For example, let's say I post this pic:

#mycrew #2014 #newyearnewyou #oldroomies #photobooth #togetheragain #jaclynsandwich #karaspreg #sparkleblazer  #centerpart #yearofwinterolympics #jakechandler #karamichelle #jacquelineann #jaclyndee #thirdtryfortheperfpic #hangovertomorrow #cantwaitforflyingburrito #dreadthedrivehome #myfriendsarecoolerthanyourfriends #ALLTHEHASHTAGS

It bugs me. I know I am kind of contradicting myself when I say that because my haters who criticize everything I write get told to go you-know-what themselves. But, this is my space [without a profile song that took hours of browsing through unsigned artists to "discover" an new up and comer..] so if you don't like it, don't read it. Simple as that, huh?

On a completely different end of the spectrum, Jimmy Fallon (who I think is a comedic genius #jaywho?) sends out a weekly hashtag for twitterer to tweet about, and  I literally #LOL when I watch these on Thursday nights...my favorite so far has been, #MyWeirdSecret....


Day one of school went swimmingly. Other than one class I have THIRTY students. THIRTY. And they are seventh graders who are scared of me still. I am thinking I will not be nice to them and keep them scared. Best name I have come across thus far: Twandarius and Ashyiea--pronounced Asia, duh.

#until #next #time...

Monday, August 18, 2014

the one about texts

You know how when you get a random text from someone and you just pretend like you didn't get it....no...I know I am not the only shade tree...Anyway, I have disabled my "read receipts" due to the fact I am more often shady than not, I like to pretend I didn't get it. Not really....well...sometimes. I say this because I had to shade out on one of my pals last weekend because I didn't want to do the ice bucket challenge. I know...I know...ALS is a horrible thing. I will donate money. I promise. But I hate water unless I am completely submerged. This is why I only shower about thrice weekly in the summer, on a good week. I never just ease into the lake or pool. I usually pretend I am an Olympian an backflip in. So Jax...I will donate, and maybe pour ice water on me...I promise.

Speaking of texts, I watched a really good movie this weekend...God's Not Dead. The message was really good. It centers around a freshman taking a required liberal arts credit that happens to be Philosophy. I remember Philosophy my sophomore year. I am always interested in learning about people and understanding why they think the way the think, and usually criticize as my way is the right way. But I went into philosophy just like this character did, with an open mind only to close my mind right away because like Josh Wheaton, I believe God created us, not a mother monkey. My only criticism for this film is this: sometimes, no matter how hard you try, there is no changing the minds of some. I love when that happens, but it's not always a fairy tale ending. I think the writers of this are very smart theologians and I think you should watch. I didn't, however, obey the command to text everyone in my contacts list to let them know God's Not Dead. I think I have more blog readers than contacts, so here goes....


All weekend long I did absolutely nothing productive. I watched movies and ate like it was the only way into Heaven. In addition to God's not dead, I watched Divergent. I was less than impressed. The book was good stuff, but the movie was average at best. I do think Shailene Woodley is hott, but it's only natural to compare her to Jennifer Lawrence who is out of bounds hot--apparently Chris Martin thinks so too. That's unexpected to me. Whatever.

Today is the students' first day and I am old. I have one of my friends' kid. I grew up next door to the MOTHER of one of my seventh grade students. I just can't deal. #forever29.

I hope y'all have an exquisite week! Be well, my friends!

until next time...

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

the one about sumac and mud

Yo! Hope all is well with you all...I have stated back to school and my number one priority right now is making my countdown to Christmas break. I kid....not really. Ha. Last night we had open house at my school and I had quite a few new parents come, and for the most part it was fairly normal. I did have one parent compliment my style, I think. She said "I know one thing, if you teach as well as you dress you will be on point..." I think that was a compliment, at least to my style, and let's face it...looking good is important to a vein person such as myself.

Let's see what else is new... I hired a yard boy because when I tried to clean the fence row I contracted something new....poison sumac. Since I am immune to poison ivy after eating a leaf of ivy in the fourth grade, I knew it wasn't that. It was definitely sumac. I got a shot and it cleared up pretty quickly. And now my yard is cleaned, thanks to the guy that does yards, and washes cars, and cleans the stalls at my Mom's barn...the jack of all trades.

I got in touch with my outdoorsy side last weekend...I went in the mud on a gator. I got into a mud fight with a nine year old and a 15 year old. I am still getting mud out of my ears.

This was on the ride home. I was driving the gator. I am in my boxers. My hair looks like someone from Jersey Short. And bugs were smacking the crap out of our faces.

I promise to write blogs more often. And let's play a little game and y'all comment on this post to let Holly (and Chris if you feel so inclined) how much you miss her in the blog world.

until next time....

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

the one about my summer break so far

hello….Is it me your looking for???

I know it has been far too long since we last spoke, and to be frank…I think y’all have missed me. I have fan mail to prove it. Haha. But honestly, between the house renovation and shirt stuff [ and just being a homeowner] I have been pretty busy. To be fair though, I have had some fun this summer—a summer that has sped by faster than I drive though town.  Here are some highlights—

|bruno mars concert| y’all know I have been to my fair share of concerts—everyone from Shania Twain to Pearl Jam—and this show was THE BEST CONCERT I HAVE EVER SEEN. Hands down. Better than my very first concert—Garth. Better than my front row seats at Aerosmith where Miss Steven Tyler gave my a high five.. Bruno is just damn good. He opened the show with the concert’s title—Moonshine Jungle. It just got better and better and better…ultimately he did every song I could have hoped for, except It Will Rain..but that’s no problem. He closed with the best song in his repertoire—Gorilla. If you ever get a chance to see one of his shows, spend the money. GO. You will not be sorry.

|lionel richie concert|this show was about 10 days after bruno, at the same place…only this show didn’t even use the upper deck and our seats for lionel were damn near on the floor. I did not expect to have as much fun at lionel as I did at bruno—I had more fun. Lionel is a fun show, Bruno is a pimp show. But of course I had to buy a concert tee for the price I pay for a tank of gas—that I could total make for ten bucks. But I just had to have it as it featured a dashing photo of mr. richie from he prime, complete with a super fetching jheri curl. We danced on the ceiling.

|lake for the fourth| I went to Heber [Greers Ferry] with Kelly this year again…If your memory serves you correctly, you will recall my trip with her last year for what was supposed to be a night or two that ended up being the whole week on the houseboat and I had to wash my one pair of trunks and one shirt in the sink at the hotel. This year I planned on three nights, but took my own vehicle just in case. Also, Kelly’s folk just bought a pimp tight lake house so we stayed in style—as stylish as my air mattress could be.
I got a lot of flak for this picture because some seemed to think I was inebriated, trying to dance—wrong, I was fairly sober trying to keep the ashes from falling off what we pretended to be a Cruella DeVille cigarette sparkler on to my toe, again. Safety first people.  Fun weekend with great friends.

before and after of my kitchen...I like the floors now!

|painters+contractors almost finished| The painter is finished. She would have finished a lot earlier in the unlikely event she would work a full hour without taking a smoke break that was ended with butts thrown into the pile that I just got finished cleaning up last weekend. Then there was the day her “son was involved in a traffic accident and she couldn’t come to work that day” when her daughter --who was helping her-- let it slip to me that her brother [the son of the painter] was riding his bicycle and ran into a parked car. So it ended up taking her from the end of April to the third week in June to “finish”. I say “finish” because the laundry room cabinets were primed. That’s all.

I am still waiting for the gas line to be connected by the gas company. See, what had happened was… my Dad misspoke when he told me where the gas line ran [the one in the ground]. He says he told me the east side of my house, but I know he said the west.  Long story short, I had to pay someone to completely reroute the lines in my attic to exit out the east side because if I would had run the underground line to the current exit location there would be a “substantial fee” as it was more than 100 feet from the underground line—112 to be exact. This is how everything has turned out as far as big projects go. Every single person who has done anything with my house says at one point “this is the first time I have ever seen anything like this….”  

||UPDATE {because I wrote this blog last week}|| gas is done--I can now cook! Shout out to OC Chunn for all he did for me! I know he doesn't read this, but he is da bomb DOT COM.

Overall, it feels like home to me now even though I still don’t have a sofa in the formal living room [or front living room as I like to call it because I don’t really do “formal”]. But, that room has turned out to be the room where my list of favorites are featured. 

|the paint color|
cape may cobblestone, Benjamin Moore

|the custom sideboard|

|the rug from west elm and navy velvet chairs|  

Even though this is in my breakfast room, it’s a favorite too. My buddy |JUSTIN WEATHERFORD| [he requested a shout out on my blog—like I would miss an opportunity to show off something awesome in my house that would make others jealous] made this for me from a blend of inspiration photos I sent him. It turned out to be faboosh. 

Also, my BFF Shea made custom drapes for this room {sorry, no pic}. I was originally planning to purchase an off white linen fabric from some stuffy shop in Memphis that was $30/yard. I needed 20 yards. That’s $600 for all of y’all who need a calculator. No ma’am.  So I stopped by this great little place close to home and found the almost exact same fabric for $6.99/yard. I am sure it’s not 100% linen, but it looks good to me.

 I have only been to two weddings this summer...I know, right...usually I have been to six by now. The first was for my lifelong friend, Anna. She has been my baby sitter, my ride to school, my prayer breakfast partner, and such a role model! I love her! And the second wedding was that of my co-worker, Christina. It was outside--just about a week ago. I have never been so hot in all my days. Luckily and Lavishly, the reception was in an air-conditioned tent. Good stuff! I also sot to hang my good friend Amy--who left us at BHS for another job. We miss her. The other lovely lady on the left is my carpool buddy--fun fact: she taught me in junior high--full circle!

Last weekend I went back to the lake with my Marianna friends..good time, as per usual.

I hope you have all had an awesome summer, and when I start back to school I will of course blog when I am “on a break” if those damn kids don’t put me on blast because I actually have a life. I will have a full update, complete with before and after shot of my house as soon as the afters exist.

Y’all be well, and stay cool—even though today it’s unseasonably cool for the second time this summer. It stayed winter forever, rained more in June than all but one year on record, it was 88 degrees on the fourth of July, last week the lows in the 50’s….hope y’all are straight with the Man Upstairs because I think He’s coming again. Soon. You heard it here first people…

until next time…