Thursday, February 28, 2013

the one with ten random questions

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Yes. I have. Apparently I seem to be a terrorist, because every time I fly, I get chosen to participate in the complimentary feel-up by TSA. Also, in routine traffic stops I have been searched. The only thing the cop could find was my dime bag that my license don't match my registration as far as the address goes. Well, I just moved, so suck it. 

2. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Not even a question. Aniston. Who would want someone who drinks blood like Edward Cullen when you could have Rachel Karen Green? She is my number one in Hollywood.

3. What's your favorite commercial?
WTF is a commercial? It is a very rare occasion that I watch a TV program in real time. But the commercial that makes me laugh the hardest (even though I think he is a douche) is the commercial for Beiber's fragrance for Macy's on Black Friday. I laugh every. single. time. I also think the commercial where the girls says "Who are you calling a Cootie Queen, you LENT LICKER?!?!" is really funny too.

 4. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
Yes. And the last time I went was in Rockefeller Center in NYC. Shea and I went and waited in line for what seemed to be hours in the freezing cold after dinner and lots and lots of cocktails (about 11pm). This wasn't the best idea we had. Shea didn't get away from the rails and I just thought I was going to be Tonya Harding and perform some triple axles. Fail. But we had fun and were over it after about two loops around the rink.

To be fair I was carrying a little extra Holiday weight.
5. What talent do you wish you had?
In my mind I am already a talented singer, but according to others I am not so much. I would love to be able to sit down at a piano and just play anything and everything and sing. I am always impressed with the Piano bar performers that can do anything. That takes a lot of talent that I don't have. 

6. Do you know anyone in jail?
You know the saying "You can pick your friends, but not your relatives..." Yeah. I am pretty sure when we took a class trip to the Prison when I was in high school, it was like a family reunion. But outside of my family, I know a lot of others too. So I guess everyone makes mistakes, not just my family. These are mostly distant (second) cousins. So they aren't that close to me...

7. Where is the weirdest place you have a mole?
Well, it's not necessarily a mole, but more of a skin tag. And it is right between the crease at the very top of my leg, so when I run or work out friction causes it to burn. I read that I could just clip it off with fingernail clippers. Yeah, sure, you can if you want to bleed like a Hemophiliac. Big mistake, huge. But after a couple hours in the bath, it stopped and not I don't have a "mole" in a very inopportune location.

 8. When is the last time you played guitar?
When I convinced myself I would be the next Eric Clapton and bought a guitar on a whim and thought I could teach myself via YouTube. Not. One video in, I was more confused than just a little bit.

9. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving?
Other than texting, eating, and using my knee to drive all at the same time, I guess the next weirdest thing would be changing clothes. I do that quite a bit. Big time saver...

10. Do you have any strange phobias?
Yes. I would rather swim in a lake full of snakes than fish. Fish freak me out. I just don't like them and never have. I also have this fear that I will be 30, and not married, and have to either adopt grand kids or learn to love step grand kids as my own because all of the "non tainted" girls will have already been taken and I will have marry some old bag who already has kids....Oh wait, that's someone else's in my family.

What are some random question y'all have for me?

until next time...

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

the one about technology

Today will be great because I just ate my favorite cookie in the world for breakfast: a Girl Scout Samoa. One Tubby, Tubby...

It has to be better than yesterday, since I spent most of the evening looking for Ashton Kutcher as I was positive I was being Punked.

I love my parents more than anything in the world. They are my world. I wouldn't trade them for the finest friends in all the land. And I have some damn good friends.
Matthew, Dad, Mom, and Me

I would, however, beg my Dad to trade his new iPhone in, and go back to his Motorola Razr he has had for about 8 years now. He has had a "car" phone since around 1996. This is only the 5th phone he has owned in 17 years. So to say he is not up on technology is an understatement. A big one.

I was the lucky one that he chose to give him some pointers on using his new phone. (Mind you, I am a teacher and I have had some doozie students--like the one who continues to title his papers "Name, Date, Class Period" instead of writing his own name on the paper). Yeah, I felt like Dad was one of my students who definitely was not in the AP Business Technology classes. What makes this so perplexing to me is that Dad is the absolute smartest person I know, just not when it comes to technology.

These are my favorite conversations from our nearly 3 hour session where he learned only how to turn the WiFi feature on and off (if he can find where he wrote down what I said, word for word):

Dad: "I don't know what you mean when you say the 'home' button."
Me: "It's the only button on the phone, Dad; the center button"
Dad: "The only thing that's in the center is glass, no button--and there are buttons all on the side"
Me: "OK, call it what you want, but it is known as the home button in the center, at the bottom."


Me: "We need to turn WiFi on so you can get a better signal, because it's on operating on 'E' right now and won't go to 4G or LTE because there is not enough signal in the house"
Dad: "When you say E to 4G to LTE, do you mean E,F, G, G, G, G, H.....all the way to LTE because that will take forever."
-This is when I really started looking for Ashton Kutcher.

So all we learned how to do was connect to a WiFi. He told me he wanted to try to find the password to out WiFi on his own. I gave him a hint and told him it was located somewhere on the Modem/Router. Fail. He wasn't even sure what that was.

As a matter of fact this night was all about using technology to make one's life a bit easier. You see, I am not my Dad's accountant. But, for him to have something to present to his accountant, I take on the preliminary responsibility of gathering everything to make out his financial statement from year to year. Until I took over, he used Microsoft Word, and did his best (he is the biggest, OCD perfectionist I know when it comes to things like this) to line all the numbers up just by using the spacebar. He didn't even know "tab" would line items up. So I transferred everything to an Excel file (one of the greatest inventions on Earth). At first, this absolutely blew his mind.

Before we got started on this year, I had to fix last year's (I left him on his own to change a few things from the previous year, after I wrote every possible instruction he would need down on his notebook he keeps by the computer--and panics if it's not there) statement. All he did was print out 2011 and update it by marking through numbers and penciling in new line items because he didn't trust the formula functions Excel had generated and used for his new numbers...I know, right?

So today he is working on 2013 (that is due on Friday). I can only imagine the phone calls I might get. I know one phone call I am going to make--his birthday is Friday and I am calling the Apple store and signing him up for the most VERY BASIC iPhone class for him to celebrate. I fear that may be over his head..I can only imagine the stories those instructors must have..

I love you, Dad.

until next time..


Tuesday, February 26, 2013

the one about high school

Last night I visited my high school. See, every year we have this thing called Family Night Out. I try to go and support my old Alma Mater. I went to a private high school (by high school, I mean Pre-K all the way through 12th grade in the same single building. Yeah). This event raises lots of money for various projects that we do not have the good fortune of getting for free from the money we pay for taxes. But that is neither here nor there. It's the safest place in the world to send kids to school and that is worth the left arm you give for your student to go there (and become a jaded by reality because everyone has to have the newest and coolest clothes, cars, and kicks)...

Being back made me think of some of my favorite stories from my days at Lee Academy.

I was a huge suck up. I did what it took to get on good sides of teachers so I could skip doing my work and talk to them about some pressing issue we thought would matter the next day. One of my teachers (my typing teacher) gave us a day to do some free typing. I decided I would type my poem I wrote in Speech class about a few of the girls that were asked to prom as ninth graders (big deal). These girls really didn't care if they were asked by Hitler, damn it they got asked so that immediately put them out of our league. When really, they were repulsed by their date who nine times out of ten wore clothes they look like they bought at LUV  (for non hometowners, it's like the Salvation Army) and couldn't get a date their own age. So of course all the guys in my class were bitter. I guess now we would have to go after the fifth graders when they had to walk down our hallway to the art room. I was the one who put all these ideas on paper and in a genius rhyming poem. The teacher asked my to read it. It was more of a "turn it in now because I read what you wrote on your screen and you are in deep shit now."  I didn't even have anything bad written, but apparently "SH*T doesn't mean "shot" or "shut" to them...So, I got sent to the Headmaster, got paddled, and it was the end of my world as I knew it. Did I mention that my Dad was the President of the School Board at that time?? Neat. (I still keep up with that teacher and she knows I love her!!)

When I was old enough to go to prom, we had some really fun after parties at a local hunting club where we would tell our  parents that someone else was in charge other than the people who really were in charge--"those parents" that broke the rules. Score for us. I love to dance. What I really thrive off of is when a girl can dance better than I can (that's rare, folks). But I met my match. And she is one of my best friends to this day. So apparently (this story becomes more elaborate each time someone tells me) I went to my car and got my most explicit CD from the caddy that attached to my visor and brought it in. Song number one was ______ Control, by Prince. I think we both really got too far into our gyrating and drew a crowd (and by crowd, I mean the entire Sophomore, Junior, and Senior classes) The next morning we heard some chatter when we were all packing up and leaving, but it was nothing like the Monday morning at school. First of all, the gym is large and the parking lot door requires us to walk for about 40 yards to the bleachers where we all gathered every morning before the bell rang. Mind you, I never got to school early. So I was the last one to walk in, with the girl who I erotically danced with on Saturday night. I swear to you, when we opened the door you could hear a pin drop. It was talked about all day and I was so scared my parents would find out had way too much Jack Daniel's Downhome Punch and acted a fool in public. We were safe though because we had "those parents" if any of us needed our stomachs pumped. Every single time I hear that song I think of Jessica, and apparently that song followed me to college because when my college friends hear it, they love to leave a voice mail in the early morning hours AND every single time I walk in that gym door, I think about that Monday morning that made me a sinner among the goodies and a saint among my friends....

until next time...

Monday, February 25, 2013

the one about what I learned over the weekend

What did I learn this past weekend?

1. When I don't have plans, and think my weekend is going to be quiet and relaxing...it always turns into a raging time that makes me feel like this on Monday morning.


2. It's not fun to sleep in a king size bed with three other people. That's right. FOUR total. I am too old to party like I am in college again.

3. JT is hosting and musical guest on SNL March 9. I can't wait. I am sure Andy Samburg will come back, and HOPEFULLY Kristin Wiig will too.

4. Alabama Shakes is my new obsession. Best music to just have on repeat all day. I do as a matter of fact.


5. The Oscars are way, way too long. They should cut out about half of the awards they televise. The only awards people care to see are the acting awards and maybe the music awards. Seth did OK, but I think he was borderline cheesy. He should have been his normal, insulting self. Still way better than uptight Anne and effed up Franco last year...I vote for Amy and Tina to host everything...

6. The gals who won for hair and make up are "on a break" with their job and have clearly gone on strike. Who looks like this at the Oscars (especially when you WIN for HAIR and MAKEUP)???

7. Brad Pitt must really kick himself in the nuts every time he sees Jen. I know I would. Jennifer Aniston is the best looking, most amazing thing since sliced bread.

8. Anne Hathaway needs a new stylist.

9. Ben Affleck is a class act. I see his as a real, family man who is ever so grateful for his life.


10. Even when I think my Monday may be bad, Jennifer Lawrence will not ever live this down. But, in my eyes, she can do no wrong. It would have been funnier if it happened to Anne instead!

until next time...

Friday, February 22, 2013

the one with friday's four (2/22/13)



1. I pretty much got the best news ever yesterday. Well, I can actually think of a whole lot of things I would rather hear, but this is big if you know me but at all. Take a look at this:
For the first time in my whole (driving age) life, I have a clean driving record. This has only occurred one time and that was the four months from the time I turned 16 until I totaled my first vehicle. You know that "discount" you get when you turn 25? Yeah, not me. I never saw it. I (my parents) have paid more in insurance (my brother is even worse that I am) than just a little bit. It feels so good. I might just frame this one.

2. American Idol this week was not the best. I predict that Kree Harrison will be in the top three this season. I really like her. I am so glad they got rid of the shim. I am pretty open minded when it comes to expressing yourself or personal preferences.  The way I look at it is this--if it doesn't effect me, then let it be. But, Jda is gross to me. I wouldn't like it if a girl, a guy, or a monkey acted like him. He clearly has issues that need to be resolved.

 I work with Charlie Askew's cousin. I think he is a "weird turtle," but I like him. He can sing and knows what good music is.

And a note on the judges. Most people say they hate them, or don't like the show now because of them.. Well, they know what they are talking about. Mariah is a diva, but she's been around the block a time or two. She knows good music. And just because Nicki dresses like My Little Pony doesn't mean she doesn't give good criticism. I agree with her 90% of the time...Lay off.


3. ZZZquill. You all know I am a huge fan of sleep. I wouldn't consider myself lazy, I simply require more sleep than 98% of the population. I was a fan of liquid Melatonin until stopped working. It just stopped. So I heard about zzzQuil and tried it. It is amazeballs. I can take it and sleep like a little baby boy, all night, even if the coon is on my roof, and wake up like I am on a hammock in Bora Bora. Usually, I wake up at 7:00, and I am out my door by 7:15. I don't do mornings. But all this week, I have been waking up without an alarm by 6:30. It's great. I highly recommend it.
4. Finally, I have done it. I applied to be on Big Brother. Video and all. I did a video and used the only one I shot. There are some funnies and some stupid, but I think they will like it. I hope. Of course I would never show anyone unless I make it on the show. I have been watching since season one. The absolute hardest part of the application was writing about myself in 70 words or less, using lots of adjectives. This is what I wrote:

"I am a fun guy who is usually being sarcastic or calling someone out by saying what others are typically only thinking. I can find something to talk about with everyone. I never meet a stranger. I think life is not worth living if you take it too seriously. I am not liberal, patient, fat, or blue collar. I am facetious, witty, preppy, artistic, Southern, astute, and grammatically correct."

happy weekend...

until next time...


Thursday, February 21, 2013

the one with a lent update (aka favorite things:February)

Remember when I said I was giving up shopping online for Lent? Yeah, well it has now been one whole--seven days--week. Guess what? I have not bought one single thing online. I decided I would make a life lesson out of it (to myself). Because apparently, for most people it's not too terribly hard to NOT buy anything and everything that you just want...because. Or when I get one of those damn emails {like from J.Crew} informing me that I can get even more of a discount if I spend $150 or more. And free shipping. Shut up, I loose all inhibition and become more verklempt than a Japanese school girl in a Hello Kitty factory outlet mall. But, after I declined the first couple of days, it became a game with myself. I love that kind of game, because I always win.

So what is it you ask that is so damn enticing that I just could not possibly live without? See after writing this down, and keeping track of what I could have spent, I see how much money I stupidly spend on unnecessary items that I didn't even need in the first place.

Mind you, I am a school teacher, so it's not like I can spend money like Puff Daddy and not be effected. I have a credit card bill every month (that I do pay in full--I have lots of miles) that is pretty sickening and painlessly preventable. See that is my rationale, if I spend money, I get points. When I get points I fly for free. I need to take a step back and listen to my stupidity.

I guess one could use this as my Favorite things in February, even though I don't have them. If you need to buy a gift for anyone, I am sure someone would enjoy one or all of these items....

 

1. It Takes Balls by Josh Wolf. I know this is just a book, and it's not even available but for pre-order. I just know that he is so funny, and I can't wait to read his book. This is something I will have to buy because I doubt the Lee County Library has much of a market for such filth.  $17.15

2. My Inappropriate Life by Heather McDonald. Usually, since I am buying one book, I might as well get another. It simply wouldn't be fair to Heather if I ordered Josh's book and not her's. My mind really goes there... $15.99

3. Arthur George. These are socks by Rob Kardashian. As I was watching Kim and Kourtney that I DVR since it happened to be on, Rob was on the show and launching his sock line at Neiman Marcus. I immediately thought I should go buy some. After thinking about it, I realized there is nothing wrong with my socks from Gap that cost a fraction of the price.  $30.00

4. hook+ALBERT colored shoelaces. I read on one of my favorite blogs {Bowties and Boatshoes} that colored laces are super fly. I have been sporting some red laces in my Frye boots, but I need more for my bucks this spring. No? $32.00

5. Super Smile. I am a sucker and sometimes find myself watching QVC when I can't sleep. They know just what to say to make me cave. I do have a good reason for this almost purchase. See I had vampire fangs before Edward Cullen was cool, so I had to get veneers and normal teeth whiteners don't work on veneers. Guess what? Super smile does. But I refrained and just wrote it down on my list of things I will buy when Lent is over. $49.95+$7.95 S&H=$57.90

6. Shark Steam Mop. I don't need this, and I would be over it after one use. I thought since I was bored on my day off {President's Day} I needed to clean my floor. First of all, WTF? And secondly, my cleaning lady was coming the next day...$69.99

So my total that I saved just in one week by not shopping online is  $223.03. That is just from not impulse buying things that I don't really need. Mind you, I have a degree in Marketing. You would think I would know not to fall trap to these techniques.

until next time....

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

the one that's full circle

I was piddling around in my kitchen last night, and the TV was on. I didn't recognize the show as I was only paying about 20% attention to it because I have a bad case of the ADD. I did hear a voice I sort of recognized--Nene Leakes. Turns out the show was The New Normal. Kind of crazy and very liberal and a wannabe Modern Family, but I did hear a quote that made a lot of sense for such a forward-thinking show. One of the gays guys was at confessional at the Catholic church and he had an epiphany about his dog that died. The Priest tells him to take stock of the people God has put in his life to help him in such times of need. He’s equal parts comforted and conflicted by the knowledge that life moves on, regardless of what we may want or expect...I know it's crazy to have a moment during such a bizarre television show, but it made me think and gave me some info to share with friends that have a hard time understanding that things really do happen for a reason...

I later found that Ryan Murphy is the show's creator. I like the fact that he is "normal" when it comes to {some of} his shows. He makes it clear what is important in life and the things that should be disregarded. Can you believe I get all of this out of a stupid TV show? Yeah, me either...

Speaking of death, guess what tremendously talented musician whose life was cut short by an act of complete selfishness would have been 46 today? Kurt Cobain. I know there will be lots of toes stepped on when I say this, but it's my space to talk. Don't like it, sue me. I think suicide is so incredibly selfish. I think its a cowardly way out that only causes grief to everyone who loves you. If you think there is no way out, and nowhere to go, and nothing to live for, take a moment to just think about your Mother. I can't even imagine what mine would do.... It would F**K her world up, much like it continued and continues to do to Courtney Love and Fances Bean.

But I love Nirvana, and I love how talented he is...RIP.


On a happy note, and to make this post full circle, there is a new member of the Gerrard family today. He is a four legged, cuter than any human Gerrard. He doesn't have a name yet, but he was 12 days late so I think his name should be Tardy.


and one final note, I hung this in my classroom...Did I cross a line?? You know I live to cross the line....



 until next time...

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

the one about President's Day

I found it necessary to do this weekend exactly what President Obama has done for me since his Presidency started over four years ago: absolutely nothing. That's my way of celebrating President's Day. I honestly did nothing productive, but only things that made me happy.

I started and almost finished a new book. I know to some of y'all this is going to sound like me asking if you have ever heard of *NSYNC. It will be news equally as old as that. But I am reading, for the first time, a book by David Baldacci. I am reading what I think is his latest, The Forgotten. It really had me at hello the first chapter. I will have to read more of his books now that I know I like him.

The highlight of my weekend was the cake I made. I was bored to absolute tears and I needed to prove to myself that I could make a decent cake since my last attempt looked like the leftover trash from hurricane Sandy on a plate. This time I made a carrot cake. FROM SCRATCH. Like, flour, sugar, soda, and the whole nine. And homemade cream cheese icing. I will go out on a limb and say it was the best cake I have ever made in my life. Even my Mom, who is the best cook I know, told me it was good. That would be like me telling Obama I think he is a good president.

happy "it's already Tuesday!"

until next time...

Friday, February 15, 2013

the one with friday's four {2/15/13}


1. So even though I am not Catholic, I always try to come up with something to give up for Lent. I have given up Diet Coke in the past, potatoes, and even tried giving up texting {to promote more human interaction with my friends and family} but that proved to be way, way too hard. What did we do before being able to ignore someone for days but claim "I never got it??" But this year, I think I have come up with something great. I am giving up online shopping. It is a problem I have. I buy something almost every day. Stupid stuff. Anything and everything from kindle books and iTunes music, Arkansas Nativ shirts (everyone needs one, or 12 like me), anything from soap.com, Southern Proper, lots of Zappos orders, and so much more. I am giving up online shopping. Not even on Sundays. Not even anything from iTunes. We will see how much money I save...And Gruby told me if I think I can't live without something, she would be glad to "gift me."


2. Dinner was an experience last night. No one even mentioned grand kids! But, we went to the Hollywood Cafe and they like music. I like music. My friends like music. My Mom doesn't. She never turns the volume on the TV past 8, she sleeps in ear plugs {so do I}, she doesn't like noise. As luck would have it, there was some live blues entertainment last night. Like I mentioned, I love live music, but this guy had enough speakers to sound good at the FedEx Forum and we were in a room with about 30 people. It was too loud for me. I just knew Mom was going to ask to "turn it down." She didn't though, and she was a trooper. She just looked like she was on the verge of constipation by her facial expressions reacting to the loud, LOUD music. About 20 minutes in, a string broke and he had to take a break. Everyone was relieved, and we got to eat in peace. We didn't listen to any music the whole way home. 



3. American Idol was really good last night. Angela Miller is amazing. She gave me goosebumps when she sang her original song. I look for her to be in the top 12 along with Kree Harrison. Her Mom and Dad have both passed away. I can not imagine. She sang one of my favorite songs, "Stars" by Grace Potter. Kenny kind of made her "famous" even though she was prior to her becoming a house hold name when she did "You and Tequilla" with him. The judges kept saying they felt Kree's performance and it was so real. Well, I am sure it is super real for her when she sings basically to her parents "Stars, Up on heaven's boulevard And if I know you at all, I know you've gone too far So I, I can't look at the stars" So Good.

 

4. This week I made a new dish. One of my all time favorite food blogs is skinnytaste.com. I have been a fan for quite sometime now and I have made a whole lot of the recipes. This one may be my favorite. It's Zucchini Lasagna. It takes a minute to prepare and cook, but it is worth the time. I usually don't like when vegetables are substituted for hardcore, pure carbohydrates because I am a carb lover. You never miss those noodles in this dish. I think a better name for this would be Zucchini Casserole. Because if one is like my amazing mother, when she hears "lasagna" she can't think of anything but the original. Or "tacos" ONLY means hard shells with ground beef seasoned with McCormick taco seasoning with lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream, cheese, and Pancho's green sauce (if you aren't from these parts, and don't know what this green goodness is, you are SO missing out). So you can only imagine her face when I tried to get her to taste a fish taco. NEGATIVE. So try this dish and tell me how good it is.

EXTRA**
Follow these hilarious gals' blogs. They are great, and giving some good stuff away. Today is the last day to enter...
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happy weekend.

until next time....


Thursday, February 14, 2013

the one about valentines

This day is filled with love and sap,
90% of us really hate this crap.

There are ugly cheap roses for which you paid too much,
But I go to dinner where we all go Dutch.

My Mom is my love and my main squeeze,
and we don't get caught up in the holiday cheese.

There are all kinds of people that get off on this day
like lonely desperate girls and people that are gay.

Taylor Swift must be crying and writing a song,
since she wouldn't give it up to any guy who came along.

Then there are girls who don't get praised with flattery,
because their main squeeze operates on a battery.

Guys like Pauly D try make the ladies swoon,
but all he wants is some strange office poon. 

Then there are girls who make their boys seem like a prince,
But "In a Relationship" status she still can't convince.

That's because your bat-shit crazy tell others you're his future bride,
all the while he's laughing and getting it easy on the side.

Girls in "love" have tunnel vision for their guys,
Most girls just see the dollar signs in his eyes.

For me, I'll go to dinner with my Mom, Dad, and Brother
Because we really do love one another.

Mom will ask the annual {and ever present} question
"Any possible prospects?" and it will turn to a therapy session.

She will tell us the names she likes for her grand kids that don't exists
And I'll remind her I'm 28 and not ready for this.

So let's stop the madness, the cheese, and the misery,
Just bite the bullet and celebrate the Month of Black History.

until next time...


Wednesday, February 13, 2013

the one in a workshop

Here I am sitting in a workshop that honestly, I could not be less interested in, but being the eager people pleaser I am, I have to pay attention. Because, the instructor loves me because when I was a rookie teacher I always spoke up and talked about school things that I thought I could "change the world" with, so now she expects it. Neat. She is really nice, so I can't not pay attention.

I haven't been at school in two days now. Yesterday I explored new options. I'll elaborate on that later. But it is a bitch to plan work for a sub for two days. I am sure my sub will love me today. I left a Valentines word search today. I hated it when I was in school and teachers would make us pretty much write the chapter just to keep us busy. So I don't do that.

Speaking of Valemtimes, I hate it. It's not because I am single. I choose to be single. When it is time for me to find a girl, I will know. Right now, I am 28 years old. Not ready. I just think it is super cheesy to give someone stupid roses laced with baby's breath that was paid triple for due to the day of the year, and an ugly teddy bear that could have been won at the county fair for a dollar by throwing a baseball at a milk jug.

I caught the end of an episode of the Bachelor on Monday. That girl is bat shit crazy. I was kind of sad for Lesley since she is an Arkansas girl. But that other girl is stupid. I agree with the sister, if the girls don't like her, she will not get along with many others including his family. I love that she said she can't control her expression 24-7. Stupid slut.

until next time...

Monday, February 11, 2013

the one about the grammys



So there's this event called the Grammy's....

I have always said that if I could win any of the major awards it would be a Grammy. I think musicians are hella talented. I know it takes talent to act, but I think I could be an actor. I don't think I could be a musician. Not the case Saturday night at the party I hosted when one of my buddies got his guitar out. I sang like I was in the running for best new artist. Which I am so happy for Fun. who actually did win that award last night.

Here are a few of my favorite moments from last night's show...

Justin Timberlake. I mean, dude is so fly. I think I would like to be him. He can dance and sing (at the same time) and is a real talent. I guess I am so surprised by him because I never really took notice during his *NSYNC days for obvious reasons. But he stole the show last night.

Fun. I am happy that they won Best New Artist (even though they "are old") and best song of the year. It was a good one and I still like it. It reminds me of some past students I had (shout out Raven and Grace) that would walk down the halls and randomly sing "Toniiiiiiigghhhtttttt...." and I would finish "we are young.." I think they didn't realize how cool I actually am...
How lucky is Mike Fisher? Real. I think Carrie is the perfect representation of an American Idol. That title fits her perfectly. She is one of the best vocalists I have ever heard sing. If you don't agree, watch this.
I love that she is a good girl, no pun intended, that loves God and her husband. She seems so real. Some of my friends rode in a limo with her once and said she was supa drunk. See, she isn't perfect. She always thanks God when she wins. And I heard this morning that the necklace she was wearing was worth $31 Million...

I really like the Black Keys. They won three awards prior to the telecast. And Mumford and Sons. I enjoyed the whole show. Except for a few things including, but not limited to....
All things Taylor Swift. She is too happy. She already comes across as fake in everything she does. No one really likes EVERY artists like she puts on. I think this was during the Bob Marley tribute (which was pretty awesome, BTW). Can't you just picture Swizzle with her group of "friends" sitting around in her living room toking it up listening to "No Woman, No Cry" Yeah, me either. I just really don't like her.

See the douche bag dick head in all white? Yeah, that's Chris Brown--the only one sitting when Frank Ocean won. I like Frank Ocean. I think he is deserving of his win. But you see, Chris thinks he is a "faggot" and is threatened by him stealing his spotlight. He was nominated in the same category, and lost. Boom. And Rhianna is stupid for going back to him.

Best dressed were Kelly Rowland (dayum), Katy Perry "channeling Lisa Marie Presley" (I can see that), Carrie, and Stupid Rhianna with fake hair.

Say a little prayer for me tomorrow at 2:30. I'll fill you in on Wednesday.

until next time...

Friday, February 8, 2013

the one about mr. video

This picture was the most popular #throwbackthursday picture I have ever posted. This little picture summarizes my life in High School. Let me tell you the story.

Honestly, {other than being able to drive my 4Runner that my parents bought me 3 months before I turned 16 that they WOULD NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCE let me drive one minute before I turned 16 and was deemed completely legal--that I rolled 3 times and totaled 4 months later}, the other reason I had a "Countdown til 16" 2 years out was to be able to get a job at Mr. Video. See, my cousin Pam was the manager at the time. I knew they only employed 4 people at a time, and that is all. It's like a coveted position that never has time to be advertised because everyone wanted the opening when one came available. {looking back, i have never wanted to work some place that was easy to get a job--After all, I did interview at the same place THREE times for my "dream job after college" only to learn they hired from within. I decided one must start out as a janitor to get a foot in the door.}The day came, and Pam called me to tell me I was hired! I was pumped. I can't remember, but I think Lindsey Herron left for a "better opportunity" (meaning a real job) and I took her place. At that point I didn't even comprehend anything being a "better opportunity." I mean what more could you ask for? Free VHS movies that took 10 minutes to rewind or you would get a gentle warning as a first offense, and then we charged fifty cents to your account (or more if we didn't like you); candy galore that we would "put on our account and pay for later" (this was after the cheese coney and large Dr. Pepper I had after school every day); we could fry our insides in the tanning beds that ALWAYS claimed to have "HOT NEW BULBS!" as many times a day as we wanted. I did develop a rash. I tanned too much, and to think back on the caliber of some of the more blue collar crowd that used our beds {directly after they got their french tips and perm}I think I would not do that now. But you live, you learn, and I learned a lot at Mr. Video.

Here I go with my new career. I was on top of the world. I could drive my new vehicle to my new job and work like boss! It's so funny to think how we operated. If a movie was a huge blockbuster we would get four copies of it. Most of the time we would just get one. I do remember when Pearl Harbor came out, we got seven copies of it. Of course it only cost $1.99 to rent a movie until 5 pm the following day. Now it's $6.99 to rent a new one from iTunes. Geez. And don't even get me started on the day we found out we were getting DVDs. Shut up, I thought we were to be featured in Time as a Fortune 500 Company.

My co-workers and I learned a lot about each other, and we taught each other life skills that would shape and mold the person we would ideally become. That is, if on Friday nights we could talk a picky co-worker into ordering something other than just a plain cheese pizza from the Pizza Pro next door.But really, that was when my brother had his horrible 4Wheeler wreck and I was at work when he was declared "missing" and they were very comforting and I will never forget how nice they were. I'll have to tell that story {that shook me and my family to the core} some day.

It's fun run into my co-workers around town now. I know that Jenna reads my blog, she told me in the grocery store! And small world, Melanie's mom and my mom worked together for years before my Mom became a lady of leisure.

Still to this day, Ashley tells me one of her favorite movies is Coyote Ugly because I suggested she watch it. I was good at making recommedations because when I could score the Saturday morning shift from 10-2, no one came in that early and I could watch "screeners" all morning. It was the life.

Then the real world came along and I had to go to stupid college. Sadly, after my Freshman year, Mr. Video closed. End of an era. Too bad all the video stores are non existent or close to it. I am part of the problem, but it is just not the same to go pick out a movie from a great place like Mr. Video...

until next time...

Thursday, February 7, 2013

the one about the weather

I am confused by the weather. I guess the various news channel weather men just lie to get ratings. Yesterday, my meteorologist told me it would be 64 degrees. Well, it just so happens that when that number is the high for the day, I don't wear my Winter uniform consisting of chinos, a button down, and my very favorite vest. After many trial and error attempts, I have learned that 63 needs a vest. When it is 64 degrees, I sweat. Mind you, I sweat when I exert even the smallest amount of energy. Yesterday he promised 64, and it topped out at 52. So I was cold all day.  That's rude to trick us.


This weekend I am a part of a fine group of folks hosting a Stock The Bar party for my lifelong neighbor. Well, now our parents are neighbors, but we were from the time I was in the third grade until we all left Chapelwood. Well, there is one still there...I was in charge of the invitation. I wanted something simple, but cool, kind of going with the theme of their beach wedding. So I thought sunshine. The color that goes best with yellow is gray, so I ran with it. The lines represent the beach and the horizon...whatever, I am being weird now. Here's a look:

until next time...

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

the one about being sick

I am alive. However, for the past 48 hours I thought I may not make it. I woke up on Saturday feeling like the bottom of my boot. But that was from some poor decisions I made on Friday night. When will I learn? My throat was sore, but I assumed it was from talking/singing/shooting the shit the night before. Oh well, I will press on with my routine "calories don't count" Saturday. I still felt horrible, even after grease. We all know that grease makes everything better. I knew then it was more than just a bad head. I was really not well. I had too much to do to get sick--BBQ Cookout that evening, Superbowl on Sunday, and most importantly, I had to paint a canvas for church on Sunday.

I needed a painting of an apple, sliced in half to show the cross section with seeds, a "fruit of the spirit" graphic. This is what I came up with, and I thought it was pretty cool.

Notice that "love" is the "greatest of these" and it is in the middle. I was pretty proud of myself. Being sick though when I made this, it seems I missed something. I noticed that I left off one of the fruits of the spirit. I noticed this while I was sitting in the congregation on Sunday, after the preacher had thanked me for doing this. Notice there is not "faithfulness" seed. Luckily, no one noticed except me, and my Mom after I told her. I was sweating the whole sermon hoping he would not point out each seed and notice. Now I know I was sweating for another reason as well...fever. Don't try to be creative while sick.

I watched the Beyonce concert Superbowl on Sunday. I don't care what anyone says, Beyonce is bad ass. I will say it's one of the best halftime shows I can remember. It's nice to have someone who is known by everyone except my parents. She is in shape. We all know she didn't lip sync, and to be able to do all that air sex and singing is pretty impressive. I liked seeing Destiny's Child together again. I see Mama Tina still knows her way around a needle and thread. The only thing I hope would happen that didn't was a surprise appearance by Mista Carter...The game was kind of snore to me, and I only watched to see if I won a square. Of course I didn't. --Mind you, I was still ignoring the fact I was sick and had fever. All of my friends kept asking what is wrong...I hate that...It's a nice way of saying, "You look like shit..why?"

So I missed school yesterday--The most popular day of the year to call in sick. I really was though. I didn't get out of bed until 4pm. I went back to bed at 9 last night, and woke up feeling better, but not 100%. Hopefully today will get better and I can function like someone who doesn't live off of Obamacare.

until next time...

Friday, February 1, 2013

the one with friday's four (02/01/13)

1. In case you didn't notice, I got a new blog design. Well, I kind of describe it as making myself dinner...not as good as good as if someone else would have made it for me, but it will do for now.  However, I would run into the same problems in both cases. If I let someone else do it, it's good but not perfect. I know I am not perfect, but doing it myself doesn't require me to be so damn particular and make myself look completely crazy to someone else. I have a really good friend, Kara, that designs blogs for folks and I am sure she would do it for me, but I forget to remind her and I end up coming home from my visit with the same old tired blog. If you noticed, it changed about 6 times over the course of the four long days it took me to complete it. I couldn't get the widths right. But, I had another picture I really wanted to go in the header, but group is full.

2. So this tweet was brought to my attention yesterday. One thing, there is an error. It should be "Chandler's" with an apostrophe, or what is considered to be a "high comma" according to one student, La'Cameria. L-A-HIGH COMMA-C, etc.

I'm sorry. What? This is so crazy to me. Seems like just last year I was only nine years old when it started. I admit, I didn't watch in real time when I was nine, but I did start watching when I was about 13. I can't believe that tweet, but it's all true. I calculated it again in my head to make sure.
I'M OLD. And I found out, as I was shopping for my little cousin for his birthday, that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are cool again. This is in the same category with Friends and Full House being on Nic at Nite. I'm sorry...What happened to I Love Luck and Dick Van Dyke? Once again, I feel like my parents. Before long I will be asking my cousins how to work my phone. 



3. I made granola yesterday. I know, makes me sound not so much like a Reza and more like Asa. Or Less like Scott and more like Kourtney. Do you think I watch too much reality TV? I do too. Anyway, this is really, really good. It's way less expensive than the kind from Whole Foods and it tastes just as good to me. Next time I will not add nearly as much ground clove, even though I only used a half of a teaspoon. I think it needs it, but not nearly that much. You should all try it. There are tons of different recipes, but this is the one I used.I didn't as much brown sugar, and I added chopped walnuts and sliced almonds.

4.  Idol. Represent Arkansas!! Two gals got TV time this week. I really like Rachel Hale. She reminds me so much of Jennifer Nettles! I like her humble personality. I think she will do well and go pretty far. She is really likable and fun. Not the best video, but it's the best I can find....


until next time...